Explore

philos'ophy n. pursuit of wisdom; study of reatlities and general principles; system of theories on nature of things or on conduct; calmness of mind. (English Dictionary)

I flippantly said to my father yesterday that some day I wanted to be a great philosopher and then laughed. Hours later, the simple flippant comment haunts me. It rings a little too close to home, with much truth behind it.

In a recent conversation with a dear friend, we debated creativity, okay so we debated the notion of perception of one who is creative. Amidst all that was said, I did realize that here was one more preconceived notion I have to put to death. "Explore yourself Tanya." she said. Days later, what may seem like a simple statement resonates that of profound strength in my mind.

I have so often in my life had the mentality that; if someone else could do it better, why bother. I have struggled many years with the uncomfortableness of failure. Rather then to attempt with the possibility of failure, I'd quit or not even try. For whatever reason the fear of failure is within, my attempt now is to put it to death. I want to be daring enough to attempt all things small and great regardless of it's outcome. It is better to have experienced then to have merely watched from the sideline as someone else does it.

I remember biking as a youth, my competetiveness would not let the 'boys' outshow me. I would attempt crazy stunts in order to prove myself the worthy rider. haha. I remember many bouts with trees and dirt and rocks, that have left lasting scars...haha. Yet, to look back I laugh hysterically at how much fun those sunday afternoon rides were. I miss the feelings of adreneline that exceeded the stupidity of merely attempting something just for sure sake of it. I miss the thrill of pushing yourself so hard that only a weeks rest would let you recouperate. Through bruised and wounded you'd never let that hold you inside from the next ride with the boy's. Oh... how I miss biking...sigh.

Today, this fond childhood memory, has inspired me to dare to explore myself. Dare to experience more of life. Dare to attempt the flippant statements that actually hold more truth then I have ever confessed. So much of what I have longed for, so much of what I have longed to be, and so much of what I have longed to do....seems so close this afternoon. Within hands reach I extend my own arms for a simple grasp of it...

Today I dream full dreams of magnificent weight...with the notion that all things really are possible - small and grand. hmmmm..... prepared for wounds, scars, and many times of eating dirt - the adreneline runs rampant as I make a mere attempt at that which will fuel passion from within... as I make a mere attempt to surround myself with that which inspires and motivates me... sigh.

"Explore yourself."(Rachel Helm)