(Self-Discipline)

Today holds both the end and the beginning for me...

I have pondered much over great philosopher's and radicalist's lately. Inspired, as I always am by such individuals, I began to examine my own life... This quote came to mind; "By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory?? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?"

The path seems much more narrow these days, almost as though walking a razor blade. Not as a result of rules from religion, rather out of the heart to love. I fight one principle against another, I pit this side against the other, my arguments never really changing. However, though finding not necessarily fault in either, I find rather a stronger sense of personal conviction upon my own life. A desire of sorts to be a radicalist for my God.

I wrestle deeply with what this looks like outwardly. To know me is to know I have fought for freedom of individual, for freedom of personal conviction, for even freedom to be less then. My heart remains the same for mankind - that acceptance and unconditional love rule.

Yet, the heart of the radicalist within me...Yearns for more then being culturally relevant, socially acceptable, and politically correct. Hear not, that I want to be governed by rules and regulations, religiosity of any sorts - for if you know me - I will continue to fight against all that would dare to imprison one. The warrior within will not have any part of that...Ha ha.

However - what has become more and more of a revelation to my heart is the area of discipline. I see and appreciate what transpires from one whom is disciplined. The discipline of the inner self intrigues me... It inspires me... It motivates me to a place of self-denial... A hard discipline to put into practice, but one that carries so much weight and transformation.

Today, is the end of many habits, of many social traditions, of many pleasures of self(flesh), of many 'things' that appear to hold no value or even significance to me, yet hold both a strong influence and place within my life. Today is an end to that which occupies my time for no spiritual gratification, purpose or justice.

Today is also the beginning of a unique journey down a very unfamiliar path, holding much excitement as I explore all around. Today begins a pursuit of discipline through self-denial that will bare many bruises, scars and even wounds. Today begins a very different perspective on that which I fill my time, my life and even my heart with.

"The first and best victory is to conquer self; to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile." [Plato]

I couldn't have summed this up better Plato! Here I go.. IEEE...