cyn·i·cal (sn-kl)
adj.
1. Believing or showing the belief that people are motivated chiefly by base or selfish concerns; skeptical of the motives of others: a cynical dismissal of the politician's promise to reform the campaign finance system.
2. Selfishly or callously calculating: showed a cynical disregard for the safety of his troops in his efforts to advance his reputation.
3. Negative or pessimistic, as from world-weariness: a cynical view of the average voter's intelligence.
4. Expressing jaded or scornful skepticism or negativity: cynical laughter.


Do you not find that we are such cynical people? Why is that? Why is it that we question the motives of people all the time, that we question their intentions, that we are so negative and jaded against people and organizations/communities?

It's a struggle to fight against the cynicism that runs rampant in me at times. Especially towards the church. It's not that I don't value the church, I do. I have too, because I value people, and people are the church, right! It's the organism of the church, the molecular consistency of church, the presupposed notions and ideas that formulate and expedite as a result...that take me to this place of cynicism. As I fight to be true to myself and to others, as I fight to be real and transparent in all areas of my life, as I attempt these facets of my life I often struggle within the organism of church...I struggle with the expectations that it holds.... I struggle with the notions of 'needing' to attain a certain level or status... I struggle not to rebel, but to be true to the consistent journey that I walk... A journey of questions, a journey with many unknown fragments, a journey that leaves me pursuing more then meets the eye.

I long for the corporate times, of the intimacy of community, of similar hearts pursuing similar paths... but that doesn't always come from my weekly visits to a building in propogated forms or instituted formats. The institution itself makes me want to fight, to fight for the normalacy of admitting honestly that it's a struggle to understand what it really looks like to follow after God's heart. I want to fight for the right to struggle, I want to fight for the right to confess we have no clue or idea, that we don't have it all together, that it can't be wrapped up in a three step program or sermon. I want to fight for the idea that we are mere broken people searching after His heart, desiring to walk a life out that reflects His truths, His principles and His love.

There is something sincerely powerful in expediting the principles and truths of His word. Yet, why do we find it so hard to stand on those, to carry that empowerment He's placed within us, to walk out life as though Christ really does live within us, and isn't some foriegn obeject or misplaced supremecy that we have to attain a certain stature in our hearts or life to connect with. The journey of truely being intimate with Him is a struggle, that's okay, we're okay... hence the reason I love to use the word journey. No destination, no presupposed notion that we have to attain some state of being, no ideology that we have to be someone to walk with Him. We can just be who we are as we are, while sincerely pursuing and genuinely seeking His face. In that alone, you can't help but have some transformation of your mind and heart occur....

And to cynicism... the questions are good, but do they hold you back from genuinely freeing yourself to His working amidst and around you? dunno... just some bit of randomness thoughts today...