I realized that all I typed yesterday was brrr.. haha. Oh I have been so chilled to the bone lately. These are the days I miss wheels.
He looks as though he's in his middle forties, he has sandy brown hair that touches the cross of his neck. His eyes sunken and a shade of brown similar to tree bark. His olive complection is covered with what seems like two day old stubble. Quietly he sits, rocking back and forth from the moving of the train. He carries a blank look, saying nothing, leaving no impression of his current mood. He stares blindly out the window into the evening sky as the lights pass by. Noone enters the carriage and he remains alone. Sitting. Waiting. Staring blankly. Existing.
This is the picture that played in my head today as I sat on the c-train home. I felt like I was watching a movie.
Next scene: A lady enters the carriage. Bundled with a scarf wrapped tightly around her face, and matching mittens. She is hard to describe, as not much is seen from the scarf. Her blonde hair peaks through her wool hat, and she sits down on the opposite end of the carriage. He appears not to even notice her as he doesn't even move. Is he awake? Yes. But not moved. She slowly begins to undress her face and an elderly woman appears. She pulls her purse in tight to her chest and stares out the window to her left. Saying nothing. Age says she's experienced much, but wisdom governs that we don't know to what degree. Like Him, she sits, and waits, staring out the window. Existing.
This is it. There's my movie in my brain. Two individuals riding the c-train alone at night. ??? I seriously need to read more. haha. Yet, as I laughed to myself as this played out in my brain, I stopped... realizing that so many people around just exist. They awake, do the routine of the life, and go to sleep - only to repeat it again, over and over again. I don't want to just exist. I want to live!!!!!! My heart laid really heavy the remaining way home. I felt so broken inside for those around me. How do I extend myself, how can I extend myself to everyone, and if not everyone to who?
I spoke yesterday at LifeForce - and one of the statements I made was that "we are an extension of Christ." and "We are ambassadors of Jesus, we are personal representatives of who He is and what He thinks and feels." If I am in Christ and Christ is in me, then there isn't this notion of meeting or calling on Him, is there? He is already here. He has placed within us already the authority and power - the Holy Spirit. Yet, why do I feel so helpless when I see other's around me and question whether they just are existing. Why is it that I just can't seem to find how to meet all the needs I see or which ones to choose to meet.
I just want to extend myself... I want to be a constant extension of Christ to others... I want to be continually showing the love, compassion and power of Jesus...
None of this may have made sense... I shouldn't write when I'm so raw... But in the words of a friend... I'm wrestling through some thoughts. haha.
Be well. Be challenged always by the Spirit. Know yourself and Know Christ within you.
He looks as though he's in his middle forties, he has sandy brown hair that touches the cross of his neck. His eyes sunken and a shade of brown similar to tree bark. His olive complection is covered with what seems like two day old stubble. Quietly he sits, rocking back and forth from the moving of the train. He carries a blank look, saying nothing, leaving no impression of his current mood. He stares blindly out the window into the evening sky as the lights pass by. Noone enters the carriage and he remains alone. Sitting. Waiting. Staring blankly. Existing.
This is the picture that played in my head today as I sat on the c-train home. I felt like I was watching a movie.
Next scene: A lady enters the carriage. Bundled with a scarf wrapped tightly around her face, and matching mittens. She is hard to describe, as not much is seen from the scarf. Her blonde hair peaks through her wool hat, and she sits down on the opposite end of the carriage. He appears not to even notice her as he doesn't even move. Is he awake? Yes. But not moved. She slowly begins to undress her face and an elderly woman appears. She pulls her purse in tight to her chest and stares out the window to her left. Saying nothing. Age says she's experienced much, but wisdom governs that we don't know to what degree. Like Him, she sits, and waits, staring out the window. Existing.
This is it. There's my movie in my brain. Two individuals riding the c-train alone at night. ??? I seriously need to read more. haha. Yet, as I laughed to myself as this played out in my brain, I stopped... realizing that so many people around just exist. They awake, do the routine of the life, and go to sleep - only to repeat it again, over and over again. I don't want to just exist. I want to live!!!!!! My heart laid really heavy the remaining way home. I felt so broken inside for those around me. How do I extend myself, how can I extend myself to everyone, and if not everyone to who?
I spoke yesterday at LifeForce - and one of the statements I made was that "we are an extension of Christ." and "We are ambassadors of Jesus, we are personal representatives of who He is and what He thinks and feels." If I am in Christ and Christ is in me, then there isn't this notion of meeting or calling on Him, is there? He is already here. He has placed within us already the authority and power - the Holy Spirit. Yet, why do I feel so helpless when I see other's around me and question whether they just are existing. Why is it that I just can't seem to find how to meet all the needs I see or which ones to choose to meet.
I just want to extend myself... I want to be a constant extension of Christ to others... I want to be continually showing the love, compassion and power of Jesus...
None of this may have made sense... I shouldn't write when I'm so raw... But in the words of a friend... I'm wrestling through some thoughts. haha.
Be well. Be challenged always by the Spirit. Know yourself and Know Christ within you.
3 comments:
Loved yer thoughts today - thank you for sharing them.
Blessings on your as you wrestle through the things in front of you...
Girl, your words spoke to my heart. I'm thinking about similiar things, wanting to make a difference eternally for the Kingdom. I don't want to just exist but to seize the day and make the moment count. It's frustrating though b/c there's so much "to do" in the day and at the end of it all...how much time have I given to others. Somedays I feel like the lady on the C-train, just staring out the window, not making contact with anyone, just getting by. Aw, that's my heart right now. Will I extend myself, even when I'm tired and busy? For Him?
I hear ya Jen. It's about making the time though.. slowing down long enough to do something with deeper lasting significance..right? Still tough, but still a goal I aim for.
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