The reuion was in sight, moments away in fact. I pulled up with hesitation as I saw her standing at my door. There was no way out now, no excuses to be given, the time had arrived. I wanted to linger a bit longer in the vehicle, unfortunately the beater upon which I'd borrowed left me almost sick from the stench within - facing the stench of my life that had been and would soon be confessed or would it be masked with fake greetings and shallow discussions. Closing the door behind me almost appeared as a metaphor for closing the door on the past and embracing the present and future that stood before me.

Moments later I had almost forgotten how long it had been since we last connected. Hours later it dawned on me how much time had actually passed since our last face to face connection and I sat there oblivious to my facial expression of utter shock. It had felt like yesterday, even through the brief synopsis of years gone by. A few hours later baring the depth of hearts compiled with both seasons of joy and seasons of death... a few revelations hit my soul. Watching her leave the next day, my heart grew heavy with shame for not staying in closer contact, and ironically with a deep sensation of pride. I was proud to call her my friend, I was proud she could call me friend. We were friends regardless of time and circumstances.

I sit here several hours after her departure contemplative...

I have another friend, whom over so many years and so many miles between us, each moment we are actually together feels like a mere continuation of the last. I have always chuckled within at the friendship... I can't say I was overly fond of her upon our first meeting. I can't say we've been given the opportunity to spend any great length together in the same city. I was either away when she was home, or she was away when I was home. Neither of us really phone people, and I - horrible at making contact. Yet still: I am proud to call her my friend and to be known as hers.

One more notable mention of a close friend; often mistaken for a sister. Considered one from both sides. Randomness of crossing paths with quick one-liners and sharp humor based harrassment was the courting of a friendship that I never guess would prevail so strong and long. A friend close with rare seperation of time that can often be the seperation itself of neglecting the heart to heart chats because you pass each other so often. They are the ones that are like mirrors - something all women have a love/hate relationship with. Though, still needed and wanted!

True friends are rare... they are the ones that over miles and years the reuniting actually only feels like moments have passed. They are the ones that at the end of the day you know they stand with you, not beside or behind, but 'with'. They are the ones that on those 'road trips' come back with voices hoarse and callous from singing at the top of your lungs. They are the ones that can make you laugh to tears. They are the ones that you know you can always call regardless of circumstance and time. They are the ones that will mirror your life and call you straight up on what they see. They are true friends whom I have found of late to be the greatest of assests that I possess in my life.

My heart lays heavy today with saddness as the shame and guilt compounds upon each other. I have been an awful friend over the years, so self-consumed, so driven for what I didn't possess and thought I needed and wanted. My heart also ironically battles the saddess with utter aweness of what I realized today I actually have. The tears upon this keyboard are so mixed with both emotions running out of control... realizing how not alone I am in this world with my God and the treasures He's really given me.